Angry Mother

QUESTION: I'm becoming an angry mother and I often find myself yelling at my kids. Can I change?

ANSWER:

It is easy to become an angry mother. Moms across the world can identify with you and your dilemma. We want the best for our children, so when they stray from the path of life we are steering them down it's easy to become upset.

If you are like me, your desire for your children is that they would be teachable; that they will easily listen to and accept your instruction for their lives.

Unfortunately, when we consistently react in anger, the result is the opposite. Rather than eagerly listening, our children often turn a deaf ear to our words of wisdom - even those spoken during calmer moments. If the anger is sufficiently violent or intense, children may even become frightened of their angry mother and they withdraw.

Consider the following methods and ideas for reducing or controlling anger:

• Choose from the productive expressions of anger. While anger is a normal emotion, as a response you have choices. For instance, tell yourself, "It's okay to be angry. I choose to use my anger constructively."
  
  
• Observe how your body starts to tense up and react when you feel your authority is threatened. Pay close attention to your stomach, fists, and jaw. Know when you are mad by analyzing your own patterns of responding to anger. Watch yourself as the anger begins to rise within your body.
  
  
• Bite your tongue (gently, of course) to remind yourself to inhibit yourself from responding with verbal anger.
  
  
• Breathe deeply and then define your anger in a firm voice: "I feel angry, when you________." This helps the child know you are upset at what he/she did. You are doing it in such a way that you are not frightening the child or creating a lot of pain for yourself in your anger.
  
  
• Distract yourself for a short time before reacting. Many moms calm down by reading, taking a walk, or reciting something from memory. As the National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse says, "Take time out. Don't take it out on your kid."
  
  
• Bypass a negative angry reaction by going directly into problem solving. Determine what is needed to correct the situation. Contribute to the solution, not the problem.
  
  
• Call a friend or your spouse. Make sure your child realizes you are reaching out for help.
  
  
• If you continue to experience anger that is difficult to control, seek professional help.